What's the Best Tolkien Show? The (almost) Complete, Definitive Ranking
And what I'd like to see them make next
Love The Fellowship of the Ring? Can’t stand Rings of Power? Love to debate whether The War of the Rohirrim is better than 1978 animated film? Then read on.
In this post I’ll be compiling the definivitive,1 objective,2 absolutely verifiable3 ranking of (almost) every film based on the works of J. R. R. Tolkien. Because, sadly, I’ve not watched the 1977 film of The Hobbit, or its sequel, the 1980 The Return of the King4, to make up for it I’ve thrown in The Rings of Power, despite being a TV series,5 and also The Lord of the Rings Musical.
The Ranking
The Lord of the Rings: The Fellowship of the Ring6: The first and still the best of the modern films - what more can I say? From the rich realisation of Middle Earth - Hobbiton, Rivendell, Moria - to the glorious pacing; from the characters7 to the faithfulness to the source material, this was the Lord of the Rings adaptation we’d all been waiting for - and one of the best films, of any genre, of all time.8
The Lord of the Rings: The Return of the King: The trilogy finishes almost as well as it began, combining high drama on the Pelennor Fields with the genuine pathos and quiet heroism of Frodo and Sam’s trek into Mordor.
The Lord of the Rings Musical: An impressive distillation of the essence of Tolkien's masterwork into three and a half hours of theatre. It follows play-logic, not film-logic - for example condensing the journey from Bree to Rivendell into a five minute dance where the Hobbits and Aragorn are menaced by black riders - and makes some radical simplifications. Yet it hits many of the key character notes, the songs are (mostly) excellent and it is wonderfully true in spirit. You sadly can’t see it, but you can read my review of the recent revival at the Windmill here, at Can This Cockpit Hold the Vasty Fields of Gondor.
The Hobbit: The Tolkien Edit: It turns out that Peter Jackson could make a brilliant Hobbit film - he just hid it within an extra eight hours of guff. The Tolkien Edit strips out everything not in the book,9 huge chunks of the endless battle scenes and more, to make a much tighter, four-hour film refocused upon Bilbo. Definitely worth a watch.
The War of the Rohirrim: A simple story well told. Great characters, good plot, faithful in spirit to the source material. Fantastical elements pared down, to give it a feel of something more from the human Dark Ages (Macbeth, or Beowulf) than high fantasy.10 This is the ‘Rogue One’ to Jackson’s ‘Original Trilogy’.
The Lord of the Rings: The Two Towers: Much that is good in here - particularly Gollum - and Jackson continues to bring Middle Earth and its cultures to life most gloriously. But too much slander of faithful characters - notably Faramir, but also Theoden and Treebeard - brings this down to number 6.
The Lord of the Rings (1978 animated edition): I’m not really sure why you’d watch this when the Jackson trilogy is available, but considered on its own merits it’s actually not bad. The big downside is it finishes at Helm’s Deep and they never made a sequel.
The Hunt for Gollum (2009 Fan Production): A short and astonishingly high-production fan production of Aragorn’s hunt for Gollum. Faithful in plot to the Appendices and in visual appearance to the Jackson trilogy, at just under 40 minutes it is well worth watching.
The Hobbit: An Unexpected Journey: Sneaking in above the Line of Doom comes the first in Jackson’s Hobbit trilogy. Overlong, overpadded, absurd in places11, there are enough gorgeous scenes - in particular the attack on Erebor,12 the whole section in Bag End and Riddles in the Dark - that make it worth watching.
THE LINE OF DOOM. WATCH BELOW HERE AT YOUR PERIL.
The Hobbit: The Desolation of Smaug: Even more overlong and overpadded than part one, with even more farcical scenes, from acrobatic elves to battles inside Erebor, to a four minute scene where Bard buys fish. Unlike Part 1, there is little to actively recommend here (the depiction of Bilbo’s exploits in Mirkwood was also terrible).
The Hobbit: The Battle of the Five Armies: At the risk of being repetitive, even more overlond and overpadded than parts one and two, with battle scenes which make the second and third part of the Matrix Trilogy appear tightly focused. The closing song is about all there is to recommend in it.
The Rings of Power: What can I say? With all the Second Age before them, five seasons to give it justice and a $1 billion budget, we had high expectations. Instead we got shoddy world-building13, a plot that makes little sense14, very uneven characters and pacing that moves…oh…so…slowly. And that’s before you get into the utter mangling of the canon.15 Bret Devereaux wrote the piece that I wish I could have written on why this series is so, so terrible.16
And What I’d Like to See them Make Next
We already have ‘The Hunt for Gollum’ in the wings, which - particularly after how good The War of the Rohirrim was - I’m eager to see. But what else would I like to see, on film or on TV?17
In no particular order:
The Silmarillion Trilogy: While doing a whole adaptation of the Silmarillion would be challenging, one could make a great trilogy based around the three of the major couples of the First Age: Beren and Luthien, Tuor and Idril and Earendil and Elwing.18 Each of these tales would make a satisfying story in their own right and, together, would tell the tale of the downfall of first the Noldor and then their ultimate victory (with the aid of the Valar) over Morgoth. For modern audiences, it also offers the benefit of two canonically strong and interesting female main characters in Luthien and Elwing.19 So you would have:
The Silmarillion: Quest for the Silmaril (Tale of Beren and Luthien)
The Silmarillion: The Fall of Gondolin (Beginning with Tuor’s wanderings and ending with the sack of Gondolin)
The Silmarillion: Voyage to Valinor (the hardest to do, but I’d see leaning into Earendil’s earlier voyages, including deuterocanonical elements such as him slaying Ungoliant, and an equally strong ‘home-front’ theme, with the sons of Feanor sacking the Havens of Sirion, Elwing trying to protect her sons (we can have child Elrond!) and so forth).
Walt Disney’s ‘Luthien’: I’ve written previously why Luthien Tinuviel meets all the criteria to be the next official Disney Princess. If they’ve set films in Scotland, Polynesia, Scandinavia and China, why not Middle Earth?
Stand-alone films: The War of the Rohirrim has shown how effective it can be to take a piece of history that doesn’t have world-shaking consequences and tell a good story about it. There are many pieces of the history that could fit here, but three strong candidates include:
Bandobras (‘the Bullroarer’) Took and the Battle of Greenfields. Hobbits vs Goblins in the Shire!
Something set in the Wainriders invasion of Gondor - though perhaps this is too similar a theme to the War of the Rohirrim.
Aragorn’s exploits in Gondor as a young man under the name of Thorongil - culminating in his successful raid on the Corsairs of Umbar.
And two settings that would make great television programmes:
The Downfall of Numenor: Yes, in theory this is being covered in Rings of Power, but given the mangling, it would be far better to ditch it all and start again.20 Rather than trying to tell the whole story of the Second Age, a season or two focused on the fall of Numenor - including the restoration of the old ways by Tar-Palantir, the interactions between Tar-Miriel and Ar-Pharazon, the capture of Sauron, his corruption of the kingdom, the persecution of the Faithful under Elendil - and the final escape of the faithfall and downfall of Numenor - would make a great setting for a tightly focused, almost claustrophobic, political/court drama.
Arnor: For approximately a century, the kingdoms of Arthedain and Cardolan held the line of forts against the evil that came out of Angmar and the corrupted kingdom of Rhudaur. This period - the 14th century of the Third Age - would make a superb setting for a deeply human, character-driven TV series. Think more Babylon V or the West Wing - or a series such as HBO’s Rome - with a compelling cast of characters in different roles, focused on the daily problems of raids and reprisals, intrigue and interpersonal drama, against a backdrop that provides all the necessary danger and activity to create interesting plotline and scenarios. We would see Amon Sul (Weathertop) at its height, and we have the dwarfs in Khazad-Dum, the elves in Lindon and Rivendell and perhaps even some hobbits (though not yet in the Shire) for wider interest. The writers would have free rein to create plots - that should be true in spirit and feel to Middle Earth, but could be entirely original. Such a season could seek to culminate with the fall of Amon Sul, but much better would be to simply produce a number of seasons, each with its own compelling plotlines and overall arc, within the overall setting of this period (100 years is a long time), until the ideas ran out.
So what do you think of the rankings? Which would you boost - or drop down? And what would you like to see them make next?
Not actually definitive.
Not actually objective.
Not actually…hey, you get the idea.
Yes, after a commercially successful production of the Hobbit, they actually thought the best way to do The Lord of the Rings in one film was to only film the final book. This went down about as well as one might expect with critics and even the director has acknowledged, “We had to summarize what had happened before, and then put it all together in 2 hours. It's not a very good film.” At that, it’s still almost certainly better than Rings of Power, despite being made on less than 1% of the budget (adjusted for inflation).
And despite it being terrible.
For all listings of Jackson’s Lord of the Rings trilogy I am referring to the extended editions.
Other than poor Gimli
Citation needed.
He can’t do anything with changes core to the plot - so Azog/Bolg is still killed by Thorin, rather than Beorn - but that’s the level of change that was in Jackson’s Lord of the Rings trilogy.
As I think comparatively few people have seen this, I’ll put here the full review I wrote on Facebook at the time:
Extremely impressed by how good War of the Rohirrim was. An outstanding filling-out of Tolkien's legendarium.
I love the way they've taken a page and a half of the appendices and turned it into a fully realised story. I love how they've resisted the urge to 'epicify it' (no 'if we lose here, Sauron will rise again').
I love the way they've leaned in heavily to the Anglo-Saxon culture of the Rohirrim - and severely minimised the fantastical elements. No elves, dwarfs, hobbits or magic here. (We do have a few mumakil - justified by the reference in the Appendix to 'they were joined by enemies of Gondor'!).
The combination of this and the above means it comes across as a simple, moving, human story, that is more reminiscent of a European tale of rebellion and civil war, that could be at home in Shakespeare or a tale of Alfred the Great.
They've made the main character Helm's daughter - some creative license here, but it works very well. She is a great character, her role is excellent, and her role fits well with what we've previously seen of (noble) women in Rohan - i.e. Eowyn - or indeed other human female leaders such as Haleth (not Haleth Helm's son, but Haleth in the Silmarillion), so this fundamentally works, in the way some previous attempts to manufacture female characters (*cough* Tauriel *cough*) didn't. And the history is played 'straight' according to the Appendix (with v. minor changes, e.g. one brother dying slightly differently).
I also can't imagine a better depiction of Helm Hammerhand - truly outstanding, for a (canonically) not entirely straightforward character. Wulf is a great villain - motivated and yet suitably villainous. And secondary characters - Haleth, Hama, Olwyn - are all excellent.
I wasn't sure about it being animated, but this actually works well.
Jackson still has no conception of distance. At one point a messenger comes in, at evening, and tells us the enemy army (of foot soldiers!) is 20 leagues away and is going to keep marching, without camping, to attack that night. One can evidently ride from anywhere in Rohan to anywhere else in a few hours. But this doesn't actually matter.
It is full of excitement, moving scenes, drama and brilliant characters.
110% do watch - if you're a fan of Tolkien or even if you are not.
I think the official music video (and the clips it shows of the film) are actually a better 'sell' of it than the trailer, so I'm going to link to that here.
Rhosgobel Rabbits, anyone?
This, and the rendition of Chip the Glasses and Crack the Plates - are the only two elements I’m sad about the Tolkien edit removing.
Most places feel practically empty and Numenor a shadow of what it should be. To those who say, ‘it’s a TV show’: they had a budget larger than most blockbuster films.
It appears to be devised to maximise tension suspense by the episode, at the price of any long term narrative.
Yes, I’m aware they only had the rights to the Appendices. They utterly mangled these too - and often in ways that make little dramatic sense.
And confirms, since after struggling through all of Season 1 I had no appetite to watch the second, that, “[he] came into the second season with low expectations, but Rings of Power still managed to unpleasantly surprise [him].”
If done well. Clearly. Any of these could also be terrible if done badly.
Yes, I know the last is not technically counted as one of three unions of the Eldar and the Edain, because they are both kind of half-elf, but it is thematically similar.
Let’s face it, Idril is a bit of a drip.
Wasnt there a 1970s Soviet TV version? Surprised you havent covered it!
Is no one else going to comment on the misspelling of Tolkien in the title?
(I don't have anything to say on the content, and didn't want to make a comment *just* correcting spelling, so I was waiting for one of the people making contentful comments to do it.)