A Modest Proposal for Currency Reform

The Government must do more to maximise the opportunities for Brexit. We will be fobbed off no longer by blue passports. Only the full restoration of pre-decimal currency can tame rampant inflation, solve the cost-of-living crisis - and restore the days w

Note to readers: this was a spoof post published on April Fool's Day. It does not represent a serious policy suggestion.

The Government must do more to maximise the opportunities of Brexit.

We will be fobbed off no longer with blue passports.

Only the full restoration of pre-decimal currency can tame rampant inflation, solve the cost-of-living crisis - and bring back the days when a wealthy gentleman could live comfortably on an income of £10,000 a year.

Before reading more about the overwhelming benefits of these reforms, you can ensure you never miss a post by entering your email address into the subscription form below.

The decimalisation of British currency in 1971 was a gross betrayal of our national heritage. This heinous deed was, unsurprisingly, carried out under Prime Minister Sir Edward Heath - the same Prime Minister who would take us into what was then the European Economic Community two years later.

Now, post-Brexit, the time has come to reverse this travesty and restore the true glory of the UK's pre-decimal currency: farthings, half-crowns, shillings and all. We will be fobbed off with blue passports no longer! Indeed, with inflation at a record high and the cost-of-living crisis continuing to bite, de-decimalisation by itself is not sufficient. We must carry out a full currency revaluation, at a 1:100 ratio - in other words, each new pound would be worth one hundred of our current pounds.

Following restoration and revaluation, a farthing (1/960 of a pound) would be worth approximately 10p in current money. There would be no smaller denominations; this is not a problem, as very little can be bought for less than 10p. A shilling would be worth just under £5 - a most convenient sum - and half a crown exactly £12. Median household income would be £320 a year, or approximately £6 a week, a far more convenient sum to handle on a day-to-day basis.

In addition to the clear cultural and historical benefits, there would be four main practical advantages:

• Inflation would be solved at a single stroke. Rather than energy bills costing £2500 a year, they would cost a mere £2.50. Houses would become vastly more affordable, with the average price of a house restored to £3,650. The cost of living crisis would be ended.
  

• A great boost to children's mathematical skills, as they learned to tot up pounds, shillings and pence, calculate the number of ha'pennies in a guinnea, or how many thrippenny bits make half a crown. Mathematical achievement is one of the greatest predictors of future lifetime earnings, meaning this would pay dividends over the long run.
  

• Great confusion for foreigners, who would be unsure whether two shillings was more than half a crown, or whether there were 12 or 20 shillings in a pound. This would create great opportunies for the English, a nation of shopkeepers, to diddle tourists out of a few bob, thereby boosting our balance of trade.
  

• It would restore the days in which a wealthy gentleman of leisure could live in comfort on £10,000 a year. Today, that is a paltry income, well under minimum wage - and far below what is needed to maintain Pemberley. Under our new, post-Brexit currency, such an income would be worth a far more satisfactory million pounds a year in 'current money'.

There is no time for delay! With inflation at over 10%, we must not take no for an answer: join the campaign for pre-decimal currency today!

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